Hello there,
I feel I have to put something in print to explain myself, to say that I'm stopping collecting, and selling a couple of my cars in respect and love for the wishes of my lovely Mum Margaret who very sadly passed away in hospital on friday afternoon age 81.
If this is morbid and overly sentimental, I'm sorry, but I love her so much.
Mum wasn't your typical 81 year old, some of her favourite films are Withnail and I, Still Crazy, The Dead Zone, and enjoyed Shrek and Aliens vs Monsters. She also likes lots of modern music and a good few authors - though her mainstay is Danielle Steele.
I am her only son and as seems to be typical with single children, we are very close indeed.
My best friend, dearest confident, greatest critic and fan, and the only enduring and complete (platonic of course) love I have ever known.
Sadly she suffers from COPD and has heart problems.
Despite this she is a complete trojan and loves life.
After being admitted to hospital just over four weeks ago for a suspected ulcer, which they didn't act upon, and instead nearly drowned her with fluids (as they thought she was a little dehydrated). At the end of the second week they had her on a massive dose of water pills and catheterized her and drained 10KG of fluids from her, having massively overloaded her lungs and heart and putting a massive strain on her kidneys, she pulled through the almost inveitable chest infection and shook off the after effects to be toddling down the corridor to the loo with her zimmer frame and a nurse watching her, chatting with the staff and patients and staff alike and offering them flashes of her witticisms and cheeky smile.
Sadly, and very quickly, on friday afternoon, after I left her, she suffered a turn for the worse, and unfortunately I wasn't there, or at home to take the calls telling me, and they ignored her wishes to be revived "unless it's certain that I'm going to be completely gaga, I want every effort to be made to bring me back", and simply applied a DNR order on her and let her die at 4-30pm. they told me.
I got there to see her at about quarter to six, she was warm and I was sure she had a very faint pulse ( I do know how to take a pulse). I mentioned this and a nurse quickly held her wristby forefinger and thumb (which is well wrong) and said there was nothing and she had been pronounced dead by one of the senior doctors anyway> I tried to insist but they wouldn't budge.I still believe I was right, as Mum's AF (Arterial Fibrillitation) whhich means she has an irregular heartbeat that's partially controlled by Digoxin. Nonetheless, I have known Paramedics who take a pulse every day of their lives, several times a day, NOt be able to find pulse on Mum, even though she's chatting away with them.
Even the very kind Priest who said a lovely prayer over Mum in the mortuary agreed with me about the lack of a pulse sometimes as he's AF as well.
I held her hand and told her how much I love her, I opened her eyelids and her eyes were just as normal - hazel and warm and staring straight at me - I expected her to say "Boo" any second but it didn't happen. The faint pulse seemed to be there still.
Mum is AF and a pulse is often hard to find even for pros - I have known medics try and tell her jokingly when she's sitting there talking to them "I can't find you pulse, you must be dead"
I tried again to tell them - they wouldn't listen!
I stayed with Mum until 9-15pm, held her hand, hugged and kissed her and talked to her until they insisted I had to go - even when they had dragged me down the corridor, I skipped back to hug her, press my cheek to hers, tell her I love her more than anything, and kissed her goodnight.
The staff nurse who had just started the night shift was crying as was I (and still am) and asked if there was anything she could do. "Bring my Mum back"
"I can't" -
"Then give me something so I can go with her"
"I can't do that, I'm so sorry"
I love my Mum more the words can possibly say but now I am alone, empty and want nothing more than to lie down beside her and die.
I let her down and couldn't be there to save her.
And they wouldn't even let me have the photos a kind lady took of her for me in bed with her teddy (she collects them, and I bought her a new one 3 weeks ago in BHS)- cause they said it's illegal. whatever happened to care and compassion!
I haven't eaten or slept worth a damn since friday, and all my plans and ambitions for the future are as nought.
I love you Mum, always have and always will.
I feel I have to put something in print to explain myself, to say that I'm stopping collecting, and selling a couple of my cars in respect and love for the wishes of my lovely Mum Margaret who very sadly passed away in hospital on friday afternoon age 81.
If this is morbid and overly sentimental, I'm sorry, but I love her so much.
Mum wasn't your typical 81 year old, some of her favourite films are Withnail and I, Still Crazy, The Dead Zone, and enjoyed Shrek and Aliens vs Monsters. She also likes lots of modern music and a good few authors - though her mainstay is Danielle Steele.
I am her only son and as seems to be typical with single children, we are very close indeed.
My best friend, dearest confident, greatest critic and fan, and the only enduring and complete (platonic of course) love I have ever known.
Sadly she suffers from COPD and has heart problems.
Despite this she is a complete trojan and loves life.
After being admitted to hospital just over four weeks ago for a suspected ulcer, which they didn't act upon, and instead nearly drowned her with fluids (as they thought she was a little dehydrated). At the end of the second week they had her on a massive dose of water pills and catheterized her and drained 10KG of fluids from her, having massively overloaded her lungs and heart and putting a massive strain on her kidneys, she pulled through the almost inveitable chest infection and shook off the after effects to be toddling down the corridor to the loo with her zimmer frame and a nurse watching her, chatting with the staff and patients and staff alike and offering them flashes of her witticisms and cheeky smile.
Sadly, and very quickly, on friday afternoon, after I left her, she suffered a turn for the worse, and unfortunately I wasn't there, or at home to take the calls telling me, and they ignored her wishes to be revived "unless it's certain that I'm going to be completely gaga, I want every effort to be made to bring me back", and simply applied a DNR order on her and let her die at 4-30pm. they told me.
I got there to see her at about quarter to six, she was warm and I was sure she had a very faint pulse ( I do know how to take a pulse). I mentioned this and a nurse quickly held her wristby forefinger and thumb (which is well wrong) and said there was nothing and she had been pronounced dead by one of the senior doctors anyway> I tried to insist but they wouldn't budge.I still believe I was right, as Mum's AF (Arterial Fibrillitation) whhich means she has an irregular heartbeat that's partially controlled by Digoxin. Nonetheless, I have known Paramedics who take a pulse every day of their lives, several times a day, NOt be able to find pulse on Mum, even though she's chatting away with them.
Even the very kind Priest who said a lovely prayer over Mum in the mortuary agreed with me about the lack of a pulse sometimes as he's AF as well.
I held her hand and told her how much I love her, I opened her eyelids and her eyes were just as normal - hazel and warm and staring straight at me - I expected her to say "Boo" any second but it didn't happen. The faint pulse seemed to be there still.
Mum is AF and a pulse is often hard to find even for pros - I have known medics try and tell her jokingly when she's sitting there talking to them "I can't find you pulse, you must be dead"
I tried again to tell them - they wouldn't listen!
I stayed with Mum until 9-15pm, held her hand, hugged and kissed her and talked to her until they insisted I had to go - even when they had dragged me down the corridor, I skipped back to hug her, press my cheek to hers, tell her I love her more than anything, and kissed her goodnight.
The staff nurse who had just started the night shift was crying as was I (and still am) and asked if there was anything she could do. "Bring my Mum back"
"I can't" -
"Then give me something so I can go with her"
"I can't do that, I'm so sorry"
I love my Mum more the words can possibly say but now I am alone, empty and want nothing more than to lie down beside her and die.
I let her down and couldn't be there to save her.
And they wouldn't even let me have the photos a kind lady took of her for me in bed with her teddy (she collects them, and I bought her a new one 3 weeks ago in BHS)- cause they said it's illegal. whatever happened to care and compassion!
I haven't eaten or slept worth a damn since friday, and all my plans and ambitions for the future are as nought.
I love you Mum, always have and always will.
Last edited: