Jokes thread

[Wreck]

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny.
He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then little Johhny says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
To which Little Johnny replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."

 

[Lone Crusader]

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were all having sex and they all died and went to Heaven and while all of them were standing at the pearly gates St. Peter says to the brunette... In order to get through these pearly gates I have to see your breasts. So the brunette opens her nightgown and there imprinted on her chest was a big 'C' and St. Peter asks what is that and the brunette says while she was having sex with her boyfriend he was wearing his letterman jacket and he went to the University of Chicago. St. Peter kinda chuckled and said OK you're good to go in, so the brunette entered into Heaven.

Next walks up the redhead and St. Peter says to her in order to go through these pearly gates I have to see your breasts. The redhead says OK and removes her nightgown and there imprinted on her chest was a big 'W' and St Peter says what is that? The redhead retorts while I was having sex with my boyfriend he was wearing his letterman jacket and he went to the University of Washington. St. Peter chuckled and said OK you can go in and so she walked through the gates and into Heaven.

The blonde then walks up and St. Peter says in order to go through these pearly gates and into Heaven I have to see your breasts. The blonde acting all dingy says OK and removes her nightgown and there imprinted on her chest was a big 'W' and St. Peter just laughs and says... Don't tell me, you were having sex with your boyfriend and he was wearing his letterman jacket and he went to University of Washington... The blonde dingedly said, No he was from the University of Michigan! St. Peter laughed hysterically and said go, go, go, get out of my sight but don't trip over your chin on the way in.

 

[Lenny Nero]

Here's a biting 'modern parody'...

 

[Lenny Nero]

Hilarious, these guys in Australia are making fun of absolutely everything - cringy Tik-Tokers, vegetarians, ugly silicone-faced bimbos, posers on 'off-road' trucks, 'two legs and a torso', and especially woke...



"We already zapped three of them this morning, they're everywhere today!"

 

[GeoRattray]

There's a little old lady walking round the corner and on the street she's just entered is a line of prostitutes. Not realising who they were, the little old lady ask's one prostitute at the end of the line "what are you doing?", A sarcastic response of "waiting for oranges" was given and the little old lady was like "oh, I fancy some oranges" and decided to join the supposed queue. A few minutes passed and a police wagon turned up, with all the prostitutes and the little old lady shepherded into the back of the wagon to be taken down to the police depot for questioning. As the police sergeant was inspecting each of the prostitutes in line for questioning, he then spots the little old lady, causing a perplexed look on his face. He enquires "aren't you a little old for this game luv?", for which the little old lady replies "I may be old, but I can sure suck em!".

I'll get my coat...