ROFL I NEED JOKES!

[Illiciter]

Okay, so an elderly co-worker of mine has informed me that he accidentally took a full dose of his "water" pill when he should have only taken a half dose. So now he's running to the toilet every 10 minutes to take a leak...

so far I've gotten:

"It's alright, just go with the flow"

"Hey, don't let it get you down, just sail on the high seas"

"You know, the best thing would be to avoid thinking about fountains, running water, fire hydrants, the color yellow......."

"Hey, is your arthritis ok? Just wondering because you're looking really fluid today!"


I'm quickly "running out" and need more ideas!

Today went from boring to awesome in like .01 seconds

edit: Someone asked hows it going I said, "I don't know, hey Jack, how IS it going?"

oh man.. I'm a 3 year old today

 

[Glen-BoB]

a guy goes into the library and asks "I'd like to get a book about suicide." the librarian looks back at him and say "screw you, you'll never bring it back."

 

[DaMexiRican]

LOL. I wouldn be able to stop myself from laughing if I was you Alpha
LOL. That was a good GB

 

[Illiciter]

haha

I haven't let up on this guy, we're laughin our collective butts off .. we were sitting around coming up with ideas and he threw one out and I said, "That's going to be a wash eh Jack?"

oh man.. it was so funny when he just walked by and said, "I think I screwed up my medicine." to which I'm thinking oh crap he's going to hit the deck and I gotta bring him back so when I say which med and he says water pill I started rolllllling.. He knew when he told me he had that smile on his face like, "You're going to be rippin on me all day for this..."

I even started humming the "gotta go gotta go gotta go right now" commercial for that flomax stuff

ahhhhh old people are fun - I hope I'm a fun old people




EDIT: Just headed for lunch.. he gets up asking if we want to go with him and I couldn't resist, "No Jack, you can go by yourself, this isn't preschool - you've done this a million times today already."

 

[DaMexiRican]

Lmao!!! I like older people like that. Not the mad at the world ones.

 

[thunda123]

Rofl! That last one was good Alpha. Man, I wish my work had some fun today.

 

[Glen-BoB]

a guy goes into the doctor with a frog on his head, the doctor says "what seems to be the problem?" the frog replies "i don't know, it started out as a bump on my ass".

 

[Illiciter]

lol

A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all.”
"Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids."

When I die I want to die like my grandfather did peacefully in his sleep, not screaming and scared like the passengers in the car with him...

An old man walks into a bar, sits down, and starts crying.
The bartender asks, “What’s wrong?” The old man looks at the bartender through teary eyes and between sobs says, “I married a beautiful woman two days ago. She’s a natural blonde, twenty-five, intelligent, a marvelous cook, a meticulous housekeeper, extremely sensitive to my wants and needs, very giving, my best friend, and intensely passionate in bed.”
The bartender stares at the old man for a brief moment and says, “But that sounds great! You have what every man wants in a woman, so why are crying?” The old man looks at the bartender and says, “I can’t remember where I live!”

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.
She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

 

[the_ps_hero]

what did bill Clinton say after sex...







Honey i'll be home in 20 minutes