A Haiku
Oh Friday, i love you
8 little hours before drink and fun
5 year old leprechaun man
and other tidbits for friday lifting:
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
A day without sunshine is like . . night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Every one has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
Nuke the unborn baby whales!
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
a half-gallon of 2% milk,
a carton of eggs,
a quart of orange juice,
a head of romaine lettuce,
a 2 lb. can of coffee,
and a 1 lb. package of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."
