Category Archives: Theatrical Reviews

Daniel Kaluuya and Keke Palmer in Nope

Nope Review: “What’s a Bad Miracle?”

Jordan Peele’s latest horror venture, Nope, opens on a deeply unsettling act of violence: a chimp wearing a party hat lounges next…

The Secrets of Dumbledore Review: Heartbreaking! The Worst Person You Know Just Made A Great Point

The trailers attached to The Secrets of Dumbledore are, every single one, trailers that promise nostalgia. As you sit and do some…

The Batman Review: An Even Grittier Gritty Remake of a Gritty Remake

This is the grittiest Batman. That much was clear from the beginning—the angry red poster and the trailers featuring a milquetoast psychopath…

Halloween Kills review: Michael Meyers Does Michael Meyers Things or Whatever

Look, it’s not that slasher movies are bad, it’s just that we’ve grown out of them. I’m going right into this without…

Candyman Review: Too Many Lakes

Ready for a tortured metaphor? Okay let’s proceed. Imagine a lake. There’s a fair amount of water and stuff that lives in…

The Suicide Squad Theatrical Review: A Sort-of Sequel to a Movie that Doesn’t Exist

If you, like me, just made a C in your university Game Theory class, then you might be familiar with a concept…

The Forever Purge Theatrical Review: Your Tea Leaves in a Cowboy Hat

So, the Purge has always been kind of a dumb idea, right? Crime is bad because its effects stick around after the…

Caveat Review: A List of Spooky Items

Sometimes when I watch a horror movie, especially a shoestring production like Caveat, I like to think about how it would work…

Cruella Review: Do the British say “guys?”

Okay, so first of all, I can’t stand voiceovers. God, I hate them. Film is a visual medium, and with all the…

Fried Barry review: Sex, Drugs, and Alien Probes

The other day I watched a very strange movie called Fried Barry. It’s difficult to describe exactly what this Shudder original movie…

Mortal Kombat Review: Fists, Knives, and Good Mask Hygiene

After a decade of development hell, we’ve finally got our Mortal Kombat revival, and it kicks exactly as much ass as I need it to.

Voyagers Review: It’s Lord of the Flies, but Worse, and in Space

Voyagers introduces several interesting themes, boldly choosing to follow none of them.

The Unholy Theatrical Review

I’ve been thirsty for some good Catholic horror lately. With prestige horror like Midsommar and everything Jordan Peele has been doing over the past few years it seems like no one is interested in seeing a good old statue of Jesus weep blood anymore.

Godzilla vs. Kong Theatrical Review

I assume if you’re reading this you’re at least partially interested in watching a giant ape throw hands with a giant lizard. If that’s all you care about seeing, you can go ahead and stop reading here, because King Kong definitely fights Godzilla.

Nobody Theatrical Review

Let me just say, first of all, that I was all kinds of hype for this movie. An action movie starring one…

The Hunt Theatrical Review

THE HUNT wants very badly for you to think it’s important. Don’t be fooled.